Brother Printer Duplicity

Here's a good trick to increase your profit margins:

1. Sell crap, but offer a warranty.
2. When customers call in, don't replace the crap. Tell them how to "fix" it using procedures you know are inadequate.
3. Keep telling them to not worry, and have faith that the inadequate procedures will work if followed properly and often enough.
4. Repeat the previous two steps until the warranty period is over. Then tell them you can't do anything for them.

Here's my recent chat with Brother (complete with spelling/grammar errors) over one of my recent printer purchases that never worked quite right:

Chat Transcript
Time of chat:	2/14/2012 1:35:14 PM
Length of chat:	00:24:45
Your name:	lugnut
Chatted with:	Paul
1:35 PM	Paul:	Hello, lugnut. Thank You for contacting Brother Chat Support. Just a moment while I review your issue.
1:35 PM	Paul:	I understand that can be frustrating lets see what we can do to resolve this for you.
1:36 PM	Paul:	I have a solution I can send to you which will guide you through step by step instructions to help to resolve your issue. May send you the link with these instructions to you now?
1:36 PM	lugnut:	Yes, but I think I've seen it before. Go ahead and send the link, and I can tell you if I've already tried it.
1:36 PM	Paul:	http://host220.brother.com:8080/sap(bD1lbiZjPTAxMA==)/bc/bsp/sap/zsdb/display.htm?solution=200000029114
1:36 PM	Paul:	Please follow these steps to assist with your issue, was there anything else I can assist with today?
1:36 PM	lugnut:	Yes, there is.
1:37 PM	lugnut:	The link you sent describes the procedure I've already reviewed and tried.
1:37 PM	Paul:	The next step would be to replace the drum.
1:37 PM	lugnut:	The spots keep getting worse (i.e., there are more of them, and my efforts to clean them per the instructions no longer work).
1:38 PM	lugnut:	Also, there are parts of the drum which do not print ANY toner (i.e., they are blank spots, even where there should be printing). This has also degraded over time.
1:38 PM	lugnut:	How long are drums supposed to last with primarily B&W text printing?
1:39 PM	Paul:	The drum unit has a 90 day warranty. Drum unit: approx. 25,000 pages (1 page/job, A4/Letter size single-sided pages).
1:39 PM	lugnut:	By the way, the problem has ALWAYS been there (since my purchase). It's just gotten worse and worse all the time.
1:39 PM	lugnut:	Mine only has 12,000 pages. VERY light use.
1:40 PM	lugnut:	The problem has been present since I bought it. I've been able to limp by through the procedures you referenced, but they only really ever last 5 pages (max).
1:40 PM	lugnut:	Since the problem was present since the inception, is there any way you can send me a new drum? This one definitely seems defective.
1:40 PM	Paul:	When was the drum purchased?
1:40 PM	lugnut:	I don't remember exactly. It came with the printer. April of last year, maybe?
1:41 PM	Paul:	Unfortunately the drum is out of warranty at this time and will need to be replaced.
1:41 PM	lugnut:	The drum NEVER functioned properly.
1:41 PM	lugnut:	Even when it was within the warranty period.
1:41 PM	Paul:	Did you call in during that time?
1:41 PM	lugnut:	Like I said, I've been limping by at Brother's suggestions since that time, using the same cleaning method you mentioned.
1:42 PM	lugnut:	Yes, during my chats, everyone always told me to use the cleaning method.
1:42 PM	lugnut:	It would work for a few pages.
1:42 PM	lugnut:	Everyone kept telling me to keep at it.
1:44 PM	Paul:	Unfortunately the drum is out of warranty at this time and will need to be replaced.
1:45 PM	lugnut:	If I knew that, I would have asked for a replacement the FIRST time I chatted with you folks, when it WAS in warranty. YOU GUYS told me to keep trying this.
1:46 PM	Paul:	Those are the steps to clean the drum. There is nothing at this time that can be done lugnut. The drum will need to be replaced to clear the print quality issue.
1:48 PM	lugnut:	Okay, fine. But for the past several times, INCLUDING WHEN IT WAS INSIDE THE WARRANTY, YOU GUYS dismissed me and told me to go clean it. That was it. I kept information whomever I chatted with that this was the 2nd, 3rd, etc. time, but I always received the same story. I RELIED ON YOUR ASSURANCES THAT WOULD ADDRESS THE PROBLEM. Now you're telling me that BECAUSE I followed your instructions, I now have to bear the cost. Is that right?
1:49 PM	Paul:	Did you ever call for this issue?
1:49 PM	lugnut:	I always did the live chat thingy. I might have called, I don't remember.
1:50 PM	lugnut:	It's been a long, very frustrating time.
1:50 PM	Paul:	What is the phone number you provided when you called?
1:51 PM	lugnut:	I don't remember. It was a long time ago. Maybe XXXXXXXXXX or XXXXXXXXXX, but I don't remember. It could have been something else.
1:52 PM	lugnut:	I typically do not give out my phone number because companies sell it to everyone under the sun. I typically make up a number and give that one.
1:52 PM	lugnut:	I don't write them down.
1:52 PM	lugnut:	I value my privacy.
1:53 PM	lugnut:	To be honest, I don't even remember being asked for one. It could have happened, I just don't know.
1:53 PM	Paul:	Unfortunately there is no recorded of you calling. Chat started in August if you purchased in April the drum would have been out of warranty.
1:53 PM	lugnut:	All I know, is that you guys kept telling me to go away and clean it. Just like you attempted at the beginning of this chat.
1:53 PM	lugnut:	Same deal.
1:53 PM	Paul:	We ask for the phone number at the begging of every call for issues such as this.
1:53 PM	lugnut:	Again, I make them up.
1:53 PM	lugnut:	For privacy reasons.
1:54 PM	lugnut:	I don't give out my phone number.
1:54 PM	lugnut:	I don't remember the number I gave.
1:54 PM	Paul:	Unfortunately at this time lugnut there is nothing that I can do for you the drum will need to be replaced. Is there anything else I can assist you with?
1:55 PM	lugnut:	So let me get this straight just so I understand.
1:55 PM	lugnut:	I follow your instructions.
1:55 PM	lugnut:	As a result, I find myself outside the warranty period.
1:56 PM	lugnut:	You refuse to accommodate me, so I have to pick up the bill for a product that never worked right.
1:56 PM	lugnut:	Is that right?
1:56 PM	Paul:	The last step in the instructions show to call in if the issue continues
1:56 PM	lugnut:	WHICH I DID.
1:56 PM	lugnut:	YOU GUYS KEPT TELLING ME TO CLEAN IT.
1:56 PM	lugnut:	IT WORKED.
1:56 PM	lugnut:	BUT ONLY FOR A FEW PAGES.
1:56 PM	lugnut:	ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?
1:56 PM	Paul:	You would have been escalated to the next level. Chat cannot do this.
1:56 PM	lugnut:	NOW YOU TELL ME.
1:57 PM	Paul:	If you called we would have a record.
1:57 PM	Paul:	The solution says to call in not chat in lugnut.
1:58 PM	lugnut:	Really?
1:58 PM	Paul:	- If the dots or marks still appear, please call Brother Customer Service by calling 1-877-Brother (1-877-276-8437) Monday through Friday, excluding holidays.
1:58 PM	lugnut:	That's what you're going with?
1:58 PM	Paul:	That is why it appears in the solution.
1:58 PM	lugnut:	I have to pick up the tab because the communication mechanism brother advertises aren't equal?
1:59 PM	lugnut:	Seriously?
1:59 PM	lugnut:	This is what you're going with?
1:59 PM	Paul:	lugnut at this time the Drum will need to be replaced. The drum is out of the 90 day warranty. Thank you for contacting Brother.
1:59 PM	lugnut:	I've been a loyal brother customer for 15 years.
1:59 PM	Notice:	Paul exited session.